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11月18日 灯前几天在系里Common Room的柱子上,看见一小张剪报,内容是一则更换灯泡的笑话。笑话是这样的:
请问在苏格兰的大学,需要几个学生来更换一个灯泡?以下是答案:
Glasgow:76 - one to change the light bulb, 50 to protest the light bulb's right to not change, and 25 to hold counter protest.
Strathclyde:5 - 1 to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, 1 to figure out how to power the rest of Scotland using that nuked light bulb, 2 to install it, and 1 to write the computer program that controls the wall switch. Caledonian:7 - 1 to change the light bulb and 6 to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time. Edinburgh:1 - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him. St Andrews:5 - 1 to arrange the party, 2 to co-ordinate the press, 1 to call the electrician, and 1 to get daddy to pay for it all. Herriot Watt:3 - 1 to change it and 2 to figure out how to get high off the old one. Napier:1 - but he gets 10 course credits for it. Dundee:10 - 1 to buy and fit the bulb, and 9 to petition for the electrification of Dundee. Aberdeen:2 - 1 to change the light bulb and 1 to crack under the pressure. Stirling:None - Stirling looks better in the dark. RSAMD:5 - 1 to change the bulb and 4 to do an interpretive dance about it. 过后我才知道,原来这样的笑话还有许许多多不同的版本。例如:
问:需要几个心理学家来更换一个灯泡?
答:Just one, but the lightbulb has to be willing to change.
问:需要几个进化论学家来更换一个灯泡?
答:Only one, but it takes eight million years.
问:需要几个美国人来更换一个灯泡?
答:None. Americans out-source the job to someone cheaper.
当然,以上都是笑话或冷笑话。不过那一则剪报倒是再次勾起了我自己的经验。我的经验是:
问:需要多久来更换G161的一个荧光灯?
答:No idea, but not within 14 months.
早在我进入G161的时候,办公室上的荧光灯架子,已经有两个空位,剩下四盏灯在发光照明。去年九月的某一天,我独自在办公室里,突然感到四周暗了一些,然后就闻到一阵烧焦的味道。原来我头上的那一盏灯宣告“寿终正寝”了。给系里的秘书发了电邮通知她状况,她说会叫电气技工来处理。电气技工来了、看了,说隔天会来进行更换的工作,并吩咐我在换上新的电灯之前,不要使用相关的开关。(问题是,这等于不能使用其他的电灯,因为那是唯一还可以使用的开关,另一个是“装饰品”。)
后果如何,看了以上的问答,大家应该知道。其实后来我陆续发了几封电邮催促,同一个电气技工只再来过一次,同样是不了了之。
为什么我会记得是去年九月的事?因为今年九月,G161来了一个新生。他的座位上方,只剩下一盏灯,比我的两盏还要不如。他做了我当初做的事,也得到同样的对待。我心血来潮,查看了去年的电邮记录,不禁感叹:“物是人非”。(可以这么用“物是人非”吗?)
最新的进展是,另一盏荧光灯也快要“入土为安”,虽然它在努力地“挣扎求存”,估计是“不久人世”了。
最后,跟大家分享一则有关荧光灯的“奇闻”。新闻引言是:
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